I'm on the night train ready to crash and burn!

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I can’t believe how long it has been since I last posted on here :(. I’m back anyway not on good terms I’m having a really bad time at the moment. bad things
: I’m huge
I’m a huge fat whale
I’m a huge fat lazy ass pig
I’m never going to be perfect for the boy I like :(
nothing is going right at the moment I’ve been trying my best to 'eat properly' but it’s just made me put on weight I feel awful, I can barely look in the mirror let along put on a pair of shorts for summer :(
I’ve started a work placement also but that’s awful I’m thinking of quitting I’m getting paid shit money and I’m litcually sat down on my ass all day. I just need to be a close to perfect as possible
not so long ago I tried to commite suicide I toke about 6 packs of tablets plus I had been drinking that night, nothing happened though I went to bed and woke up the next morning with these horrible shakes :( and I’m depending more and more on alcohol I haven’t had a weekend in for about 2 months every Saturday I get extremely drunk, my friend does it cause she thinks 'its fun' I do it because it another way of me to let out myself destructive side without anyone really finding out about it because I can blame my behavior on the drink :( butt the drink is making me put on weigh :( but I can’t stop it I need to drink so I’ve only been eating 1 meal a day to make up for the alcohol calories, it’s not help though so I’m going to stop eating all together its Tuesday today and I’m not eating Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday or Sunday I’m just going to drink red bull and then drink alcohol on the weekend. I’m planning on going away this weekend as well just to get away from everything. I can’t deal with anything anymore, if I was thin then something would be better but it’s not.

I’m not very good at showing my feelings I’m sorry :/ I hope everyone has had a better time than me! xxxx


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